I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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