her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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