I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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