I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
