Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
