If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
