i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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