I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
