I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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