You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
