my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
