I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize