im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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