he was CRYING into my vagina
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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