Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
