my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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