it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
