He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
