Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
