3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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