she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
vagina is talking i cant
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
