You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
