if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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