Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
