i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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