meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
