So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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