I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
