Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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