i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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