i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
