Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
