Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
