I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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