I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You work out of a Hotel?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
