just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
