My first STD was from a foam party
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
