My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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