I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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