I will die if light touches me.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
