well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
