Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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