OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
