You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
