Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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