youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
