I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
