69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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