peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
