I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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