it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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