my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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