Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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