Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
