I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize