Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
