do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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