Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
