did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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