I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
