Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
