I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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