to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
