3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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