Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We left the knife in your bed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
