Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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