well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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