Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
