it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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