if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
God, I missed his penis.
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