put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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