It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
