every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
