she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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