why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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