I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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