The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you never un-have a 4some
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize