lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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