you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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