I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think my mom watched the whole time
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
