So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
