my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
